This means something! This is happening! Actually it doesn't mean a damn thing but wanted to give a nice little nod to the readers. Y'all are my people. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
We've Reached 10K!
Just a huge thanks to the readers - Werewolves has reached 10,000 views!
This means something! This is happening! Actually it doesn't mean a damn thing but wanted to give a nice little nod to the readers. Y'all are my people. Thanks for reading and commenting.
This means something! This is happening! Actually it doesn't mean a damn thing but wanted to give a nice little nod to the readers. Y'all are my people. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Monday, January 21, 2013
The Fear
Buried alive in the pine box
is my deepest fear
Morty's coming...
- Esham
First of all, let's get one thing straight. Yes, this movie was made in the '90s but this is NOT the Marky Mark/Reese Witherspoon cheese/angst fest. Nope. This is a totally different horror movie about something completely different. There. Now let's get another thing straight. I have no idea what the hell is going in it.
The Fear is one of those movies you want to like, and you kind of like but if people ask you why you like it, you'd say something like, "Well it totally sucked BUT..." Yeah. This is that kind of movie. It's a "it sucked but" movie.
We start off with a campus rapist that has nothing to do with the plot but then are introduced to our main character, Richard or as I call him Andy Garcia Lite. He is taking a few people with him to a cabin in the woods (yeah) for a thesis he's working on, the subject being fear. With him is his stoner friend Troy, his prissy girlfriend Ashley, Vance and Mindy - a cute couple who really don't look or act like a proper couple and along the way they pick up Troy's "sister" and her boytoy whose up to no good.
Once up there we get a jumpscare when Ashley opens a cupboard to find Morty - a life-size pinnochio type mannequin with eyes that seem to follow you around the room. They get to dicussing their greatest fears around Morty and surprise, surprise - bad things happen.
I'm a total sucker for evil doll movies as well as "Ten Little Idiots" movies where people are picked off one by one (and no idiots isn't a typo). So this movie has that going for it - but it's still almost a total waste. Many of the actors try gamely with what they are given, but there's simply no plot/character development. The committment/girlfriend thing between Andy Garcia Lite (or AGL as I will now call him) and Ashley is tired and played out. The rapist/mother/incest plot makes no sense at all, especially if you do the age math, and the "climax" of the film involves solving a puzzle (ala a skull-like Rubix cube thing) while AGL's legs are being dragged into a grave and Morty dances around and does nothing. Because solving the handheld puzzle abolishes AGL's inner demons. Or something. As I said, I'm still not quite sure what the hell happened.
In fact for a movie about fear, there doesn't seem to be much fear floating around. People's fears/demons are thrown around this way and that and due to some poor writing/editing, we really don't care. It's just another ridiculous thing that happens until the next ridiculous thing. Okay, here's a guy who says his Daddy was a preacher, he's been crucified. Hey there's that girl on the Christmas town train ride -oops, she's been raped. And what's up with what happened to AGL's Mom? What's up with the masks? What's up with, well, anything?
And then there's Morty.
Let's get yet another thing straight. Morty looks TERRIFIC. This was a guy who could have been the next Freddy Krueger in the right hands. Morty looks and moves like he's made out of wood and the actor gives him a wonderful menacing look solely with his eyes. This thing is damn scary. Which is why it doesn't make any sense to concentrate on the puesdo-pyscho babble when they should have concentrated on Morty. Morty could have had his own franchise - as it is, he's just another wasted opportunity.
So, in the whole "it sucks but..." scenario, what exactly is the BUT? Well as horrible as The Fear is, I found myself entertained by it all, enough to watch it a second time. I still had no idea what was going on but I never got bored, which for me, is the death knell of any horror movie. So for that and Morty, you may want to check it out. Just don't be surpised to hear yourself saying "it sucks but." And yes, I know how that sounds.
Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):
is my deepest fear
Morty's coming...
- Esham
First of all, let's get one thing straight. Yes, this movie was made in the '90s but this is NOT the Marky Mark/Reese Witherspoon cheese/angst fest. Nope. This is a totally different horror movie about something completely different. There. Now let's get another thing straight. I have no idea what the hell is going in it.
The Fear is one of those movies you want to like, and you kind of like but if people ask you why you like it, you'd say something like, "Well it totally sucked BUT..." Yeah. This is that kind of movie. It's a "it sucked but" movie.
We start off with a campus rapist that has nothing to do with the plot but then are introduced to our main character, Richard or as I call him Andy Garcia Lite. He is taking a few people with him to a cabin in the woods (yeah) for a thesis he's working on, the subject being fear. With him is his stoner friend Troy, his prissy girlfriend Ashley, Vance and Mindy - a cute couple who really don't look or act like a proper couple and along the way they pick up Troy's "sister" and her boytoy whose up to no good.
Once up there we get a jumpscare when Ashley opens a cupboard to find Morty - a life-size pinnochio type mannequin with eyes that seem to follow you around the room. They get to dicussing their greatest fears around Morty and surprise, surprise - bad things happen.
I'm a total sucker for evil doll movies as well as "Ten Little Idiots" movies where people are picked off one by one (and no idiots isn't a typo). So this movie has that going for it - but it's still almost a total waste. Many of the actors try gamely with what they are given, but there's simply no plot/character development. The committment/girlfriend thing between Andy Garcia Lite (or AGL as I will now call him) and Ashley is tired and played out. The rapist/mother/incest plot makes no sense at all, especially if you do the age math, and the "climax" of the film involves solving a puzzle (ala a skull-like Rubix cube thing) while AGL's legs are being dragged into a grave and Morty dances around and does nothing. Because solving the handheld puzzle abolishes AGL's inner demons. Or something. As I said, I'm still not quite sure what the hell happened.
In fact for a movie about fear, there doesn't seem to be much fear floating around. People's fears/demons are thrown around this way and that and due to some poor writing/editing, we really don't care. It's just another ridiculous thing that happens until the next ridiculous thing. Okay, here's a guy who says his Daddy was a preacher, he's been crucified. Hey there's that girl on the Christmas town train ride -oops, she's been raped. And what's up with what happened to AGL's Mom? What's up with the masks? What's up with, well, anything?
And then there's Morty.
Let's get yet another thing straight. Morty looks TERRIFIC. This was a guy who could have been the next Freddy Krueger in the right hands. Morty looks and moves like he's made out of wood and the actor gives him a wonderful menacing look solely with his eyes. This thing is damn scary. Which is why it doesn't make any sense to concentrate on the puesdo-pyscho babble when they should have concentrated on Morty. Morty could have had his own franchise - as it is, he's just another wasted opportunity.
So, in the whole "it sucks but..." scenario, what exactly is the BUT? Well as horrible as The Fear is, I found myself entertained by it all, enough to watch it a second time. I still had no idea what was going on but I never got bored, which for me, is the death knell of any horror movie. So for that and Morty, you may want to check it out. Just don't be surpised to hear yourself saying "it sucks but." And yes, I know how that sounds.
Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):
- Diametric, Diametric, DIAMETRIC!
- So Troy's sister is his mother? And she had him when she was 15? So why did she have a facelift if she's like, 35? Cause that's what it would make her. I suppose I just shouldn't think about it really. Forget it. My brain hurts.
- The bimbo blonde throwaway character surviving the entire movie and her reaction. Seriously, that girl was entertaining.
- Any scene with Morty. Damn you Morty!
- The ending credits which gave us that awesome Esham song.
DEE-TROIT Represent!
- Wes Craven appears in a cameo as AGL's mentor/professor at the beginning and end of the film.
- Diatmetric is an anagram of matricide. Funny how the mind works, huh?
- Followed by a sequel - Fear 2: Resurrection which featured an entirely different (and considerably thicker) actor playing Morty.
- Director Vincent Robert's first and last directorial effort.
- The DVD is actually edited beyond belief with a couple of nude scenes and foul language (and even not so foul, like the word "ass") removed, even though it's listed as an R rated film. The only way to watch the original version is to find it on VHS.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The Church
Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees
and I pretend to pray
- The Mamas and the Papas
Italian horror movies can be a beautiful exercise in style over substance. One of my favorite movies, for example, Suspiria, is the perfect example of this. However, The Church doesn't quite know how to handle style and/or substance. It's a mess. A pretty mess. But a mess indeed.
The movie begins with some Templar Knights destroying a village and all the people within because they're "evil". Then they decide to build a Church over the dead bodies because, surely, no harm can come of that. Cut to modern times where we meet Evan, a suspiciously good-looking librarian on his first day of work at the Church. Evan is quickly greeted by Lisa - a suspiciously good-looking art restorer whose working on the Church. They have sex right away because that's what two suspiciously good-looking people in movies do to show they are suddenly in love.
But screw them, because this story isn't about them. In fact, I really couldn't even find the plot of the movie, even after two viewings. The problem with The Church is, it doesn't really know what it is. Heck, it can't even decide on a main character as Evan and Lisa are quickly thrown away after Evan is demonically possessed by...em..something when some seal is broken somewhere. Then we go into a totally different plot and the movie launches into Demons territory as a group of stereotypes of people we didn't know about and didn't care about are suddenly locked in the Church. They include: a school field trip group, a model who is vain about her face (guess what happens to her), an old woman and an old man, a biker couple, young Lotte - the daughter of the Church secretary, and Father Gus - a handsome guy who probably should have been the main character all along. Like Demons, weird things happen to them and most of them die but it's all of no import. No, really. No. Import. I mean it. At one point, the teacher is impaled against the stuck Church door, run through with spikes, and nobody blinks an eye. Heck, the characters can't be bothered to scream, why should I care? You would have thought a couple of her students might have had issue with this but maybe they were just happy to get out of that pop quiz.
And then there's the "Rosemary rip-off." Early on in the film, Lisa has a dream with musical cues taken almost directly from Rosemary's Baby complete with ticking clock. I noticed the similarity right away. But the MAIN rip-off happens when halfway through the film, she is raped by the devil. It is EXACTLY like Rosemary's Baby - people around her chanting, red stuff being painted on her body. The camera focuses on her eyes and the devil's - and yes he looks like the one in Rosemary's Baby. They even cover her face with a black cloth once she starts to scream - just like in that other movie. But why is she being raped? Does it have anything to do with the Church? Nope. Just another scene that's totally of no import. Like you have to ask.
The acting is a mixed bag, not that great due to some unfortunate dubbing but Father Gus and Lotte (a young Asia Argento) are the only ones who truly shine. In fact, Asia really steals every scene she's in. She's that good - even with the dubbed over voice, her facial expressions show every thought and emotion a young girl would have. The music is quite good too, very well done and it fits the movie well. But the star of the show has to be the set designs. The Church itself is beautiful - full of strong Italian design and gothic architecture. In fact, I found myself paying more attention to the background than what the actors were doing. Trust me, it's the only way to truly enjoy the film.
It's not totally unentertaining - but it does kind of drag and nothing makes sense. It's a mess but as I said, it's a pretty one. However, your mileage may vary.
Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees
and I pretend to pray
- The Mamas and the Papas
Italian horror movies can be a beautiful exercise in style over substance. One of my favorite movies, for example, Suspiria, is the perfect example of this. However, The Church doesn't quite know how to handle style and/or substance. It's a mess. A pretty mess. But a mess indeed.
The movie begins with some Templar Knights destroying a village and all the people within because they're "evil". Then they decide to build a Church over the dead bodies because, surely, no harm can come of that. Cut to modern times where we meet Evan, a suspiciously good-looking librarian on his first day of work at the Church. Evan is quickly greeted by Lisa - a suspiciously good-looking art restorer whose working on the Church. They have sex right away because that's what two suspiciously good-looking people in movies do to show they are suddenly in love.
But screw them, because this story isn't about them. In fact, I really couldn't even find the plot of the movie, even after two viewings. The problem with The Church is, it doesn't really know what it is. Heck, it can't even decide on a main character as Evan and Lisa are quickly thrown away after Evan is demonically possessed by...em..something when some seal is broken somewhere. Then we go into a totally different plot and the movie launches into Demons territory as a group of stereotypes of people we didn't know about and didn't care about are suddenly locked in the Church. They include: a school field trip group, a model who is vain about her face (guess what happens to her), an old woman and an old man, a biker couple, young Lotte - the daughter of the Church secretary, and Father Gus - a handsome guy who probably should have been the main character all along. Like Demons, weird things happen to them and most of them die but it's all of no import. No, really. No. Import. I mean it. At one point, the teacher is impaled against the stuck Church door, run through with spikes, and nobody blinks an eye. Heck, the characters can't be bothered to scream, why should I care? You would have thought a couple of her students might have had issue with this but maybe they were just happy to get out of that pop quiz.
And then there's the "Rosemary rip-off." Early on in the film, Lisa has a dream with musical cues taken almost directly from Rosemary's Baby complete with ticking clock. I noticed the similarity right away. But the MAIN rip-off happens when halfway through the film, she is raped by the devil. It is EXACTLY like Rosemary's Baby - people around her chanting, red stuff being painted on her body. The camera focuses on her eyes and the devil's - and yes he looks like the one in Rosemary's Baby. They even cover her face with a black cloth once she starts to scream - just like in that other movie. But why is she being raped? Does it have anything to do with the Church? Nope. Just another scene that's totally of no import. Like you have to ask.
The acting is a mixed bag, not that great due to some unfortunate dubbing but Father Gus and Lotte (a young Asia Argento) are the only ones who truly shine. In fact, Asia really steals every scene she's in. She's that good - even with the dubbed over voice, her facial expressions show every thought and emotion a young girl would have. The music is quite good too, very well done and it fits the movie well. But the star of the show has to be the set designs. The Church itself is beautiful - full of strong Italian design and gothic architecture. In fact, I found myself paying more attention to the background than what the actors were doing. Trust me, it's the only way to truly enjoy the film.
It's not totally unentertaining - but it does kind of drag and nothing makes sense. It's a mess but as I said, it's a pretty one. However, your mileage may vary.
Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):
- Demon Evan tauting poor Lotte with a truly awful dubbing that has to be heard to be believed. "Did your TUMMY hurt?" Truly awful, but funny.
- It's Rosemary's Baby! Nope, sorry, it's just The Church. Continue your rape scene. Don't let me disrupt the unholy union.
- The old woman ringing the Church's bell with her husband's head. He had it coming.
- Biker babe's face inexplicably turning to sand when she's smashing into a oncoming train.
- One of Asia Argento's first movies. Her father, Dario served as producer of the film.
- Director Michele Soavi has an uncredited role as a policeman who shows up at Lisa's house.
- The catchy theme music was written by movie music veteran Phillip Glass but was performed by Italian horror movie darlings Goblins.
- The scene of the naked biker girl being carried off by the winged serpent was taken from a famous Boris Vallejo painting seen here.
- If you get a Demons vibe from the movie, it was intentional. Initally the movie was supposed to be Demons 3 but several writers later the concept was changed.
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