Friday the 13th: Jason X

There's a starman waiting in the sky
He'd like to come and meet us
But he thinks he'd blow our minds
 - David Bowie

We learned from Alien, that in space no one can hear you scream. That's probably true. But I betcha in space, no one can hear you yawn either. I did plenty of that while watching the last of the "original" F13s: Jason X.

The tenth installment starts out by wisely ignoring the 9th installment, but that's the only clever thing it really does. This time, the Feds have finally captured Jason. David Cronenberg (in a brief cameo) wants to keep Jason around, for nefarious purposes presumably but the idealistic Agent Rowan (Lexa Doig) balks at this. Before you can say "bad idea" Jason breaks loose, kills a slew of people and then manages to get himself cyrogenically frozen along with Rowan.

Fast forward to centuries later where a group of teens along with their teacher and a few guys who looked like they came out of an Alien movie are on a ship for a field trip to Earth II. They find Jason and Rowan, dethaw them and predictably, Jason gets to the killing.

Well....it's not as bad as Part 9. But that's really all I liked about it.

Space is boring unless you're fighting aliens or saving galaxies. There's not much one can do in the way of settings and since teens never seemed to be able to get away from Jason on present-day Earth, the 'trapped on a ship' thing means nothing. Also, we had Leprechaun in Space like, three years earlier than this so who thought THIS one would be a good idea? But the main issue is the film's identity crisis. It can't decide if it wants to be an action thriller or a genuine cheese fest and instead comes across as a giant bore that manages to be almost nothing like horror. Bad idea.

The cast is pretty bland and I couldn't quite figure out why everybody 500 years into the future would dress like they stepped out of a Britney Spears video. The only memorable characters are a female robot (Kay-Em) who is just plain obnoxious and one of the teens, Janessa (Melyssa Ade) who seems to be the only one who knows that this is supposed to be a cheesy horror movie and acts accordingly. Oh and Jason and his "upgrade." Well, Kane once again valiantly tries, and he looks great as "normal" Jason, but damn, when he gets the upgrade via nano-technology, he looks goofy. The "metal" on his face and body looks like cheap chrome-painted plastic and without his iconic hockey mask, he no longer looks that terrifying.

All is not totally lost, however. Jason X does contain one of the BEST death scenes in the series where a young scientist gets her face frozen instantly than smashed. It's awful, it's gory, I love it. Also there's a nice satirical touch when the group decides to confuse Jason with a holographic image of 1980 Crystal Lake, complete with a couple of topless lasses offering Jason beer, pot and sex. Guess they should count their lucky stars they weren't real, cause what happens next is...well..we all know what Jason hates most, right?

So it looks like the original series ends not with a bang but with a whimper (at least for now) and then we have the reboot-remake-reimagining which I hated more than life itself and which I shall probably review in the form of my series of "The Live Blogging a Crap Horror Film" as it sorely, sorely deserves it.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Nitroglycerin face smashing! Best kill since the sleeping bag one.
• Video game holographic Jason splitting a boy in two.
• Sgt. Brodski with his shirt off. Yeah. I'm a girl.
• Hey, you wanna beer? Or you wanna smoke some pot? Or we can have premarital sex. WE LOVE PREMARITAL SEX!

Fun Facts Kids!

• David Cronenberg agreed to do the cameo only his character died at the hands of Jason.
• For Kay-Em's topless with no nipples scene, a plaster cast was taken of the actress's real chest.
• For the holographic scene, the original script called for Jason's mother to appear to him, but Betsy Palmer turned it down.
• Jason X contains more deaths (28!) than any other Friday the 13th.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - Jason Goes to Hell

In the afterlife
You could be headed for the serious strife
Now you make the scene all day
But tomorrow there'll be Hell to pay
 - Squirrel Nut Zippers

Before I started this experiment, I started a thread in the Horror section of IMDB and asked F13 fans which was their favorite of the series and which was the least favorite. Nearly all the responders said that Jason Goes to Hell was definitely the worst of the series.

Now I finally watched it and I see what they mean.

It's not that it's badly acted, there are certainly some Friday movies that were far worse in that department. It's not that the production values were terrible. It beats the production in Jason Takes Manhattan by a country mile. So what was wrong? The reason why this movie seemed to piss so many people off was that fact that it is NOT a Friday the 13th movie. I don't know what it is, but of this I am sure. This is NOT a F13 film.

This time we start out with a woman (actually an FBI agent) luring out Jason by getting all nekkid and stuff. He follows her out into a clearing in the woods where he is immediately shot to death by waiting snipers. During Jason's autopsy, his "evil" or something takes over the coroner who eats Jason's heart (did Jason have one?) turning the man effectively into Jason. And now Jason must travel from host to host to find his sister (Erin Gray of Buck Rogers fame) and remaining relatives because they're the only ones who can kill him. And he also has to find them because it's his sister's daughter's baby who has the power to make Jason whole again. Oh but there is also a mystical magical dagger that must be used to kill him. Oh and then....

Sound confusing? Oh, but I haven't even gotten into how Jason's evil travels through slug type thing, the crazy bounty hunter in search of Jason (even though everybody saw Jason get shot up real good), the dweebie guy who is the biological father of the Jason's sister's daughter's baby and how he kidnaps his baby in order to protect it after he breaks out of jail because they think he killed Jason's sister and then...

Yeah, I'm going to stop now. It just goes on like this.

This is a movie where there is a lot of stuff happening and yet nothing really happens at all. It's almost like the writers (who proclaim to be F13 fans) had never seen a Jason movie and just came up with a plot right out of other horror movies. Jason has a sister like Michael Myers has a sister. Jason needs to be reborn like Chucky (or even Freddy). Jason disrobes an old fat guy, ties him up and shaves his mustache like...

Wait. WHAT?

Yes, in one scene the coroner/Jason decides it's time for a new host. So he kidnaps a cop, ties him up naked (in front of a romantic roaring fire no less) and gently shaves off the man's mustache, using a strap razor and shaving cream(!) in order to transfer Jason's soul orally in the man. My thought was....well...JASON WOULDN'T DO THIS! ON WHAT PLANET WOULD JASON DO THIS? WTF? Okay, rant over but seriously? Jason was never sexual. Let's be honest, he hates sex of all kinds, so that kink stuff is way out there. But that's far from being the film's only problem. Let's talk about the "hosts" for example. None and I mean none of the people that Jason jumps into act like Jason at all. There's no movement, no action, no inkling that what they are is anything other than a person acting crazy and doing bad things. Heck, none of them even had a solid Jason walk.

Oh but the movie annoys on so many other levels too. The whole sister thing is unbelievable, unnecessary and stupid. The "hosts" don't have any purpose. The bounty hunter scenario is useless. And someone should have told the music composer that incidental music should only be used incidentally. Here it's used in every scene for no apparent reason. Imagine if your 5 year old cousin got a hold of a Casio keyboard and decided to pound the heck out of it at 5 second intervals. He could have composed the score of this movie.

So they tried to do something new. That can work sometimes, I'm all of a change-up. But when you do something new, you can't disregard everything that made the old great. So congrats JGTH, you have earned your special place in Hell as the worst F13 ever made. Now let's never speak of this again.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Jason's death by firing range and the agents' "whoo hoo!" reaction afterwards.
• The shaving scene. Seriously. What the hell was that all about?
• Jason finally being dragged to hell at the end in the most ill-named F13 since "Jason Takes Manhattan."
• The very end scene when Freddy's claw comes out to drag Jason's mask into the ground. Okay I have to admit. That was kind of clever.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Look for Kane Hodder as the security guard in the beginning who calls Jason a "pussy."
• The two actors that played the doomed sex-having campers were ex-boyfriend and girlfriend in real life. They had actually split up a few months prior to shooting and neither one knew the other was going to be in the movie.
• Many of the props were taken from other (better) horror movies, including the Necronomicon from Evil Dead, a jungle gym from The Birds, and a crate from Creepshow.
• John D. LeMay (Stephen Freeman) also starred in Friday the 13th: The Series which had nothing to do with the movies.
• O.J. Simpson was originally considered for the role of Creighton Duke.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - Jason Takes Manhattan

What a mess, this town's in tatters
I've been shattered
My brain's been battered
Splattered all over...Manhattan
 - Rolling Stones

Well, I can start off by stating that this was a good concept at least, however ill-conceived and poorly executed it was, it was a good concept. However, the movie is so botched up there's no way it could work. Heck, the Muppets Take Manhattan was more terrifying than this. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of this one and I don't think many people are.

The movie starts with two "teens" sexing it up on a boat. But oops, a lose electrical wire or something falls into the water and hits their magic boat anchor of revitalization. Needless to say, this somehow brings Jason back to life and he's quick to slaughter them both. But at least the kids conveniently left a hockey mask for Jason to put on, which was quite nice of them I think. Then we meet our "real" victims. We have the pretty, boring, bland Rennie who despite her fear of water is taking a cruise to New York with Sean, her equally bland and boring boyfriend and her dog for some strange reason. Also aboard the ship we have a bunch of stereotypes...er...classmates, her somewhat despicable uncle, and of course, Jason who is apparently bored with Camp Blood and is now ready to terrorize uncharted territory.

The title is brilliant. The idea of Jason hitting the Big Apple is a good one. So where did it all go wrong?

Well, first of all this movie really should have been titled "Jason Takes a Leisurely Cruise" as the majority of the movie takes place on the ship. We don't even get to New York until the third act of the movie and by then most of the cast is dead.  But even without the New York backdrop, the movie just bombs on every level imaginable. Rennie our Final Girl is without a doubt, one of the most BORING girls in F13 history. Whether she's watching someone be brutally murdered, getting rushed at by toxic waste, suffering a near-rape by heroin addicts or seeing visions of Jason as a little boy, her expression never changes. How to describe it? Swallow five Valium, wash them down with a whiskey chaser, then look in the mirror and try to make a frowny face. Yeah, that's what it looks like.

Oh, and about those visions. On the ship, Rennie starts having wide-awake dreams of a kid drowning, or swimming I guess, since the kid doesn't look to be in any sort of distress. The problem is, those images are completely useless. There's something about Rennie's wicked uncle nearly drowning her while teaching her to swim and Jason as a boy attacking her but what does it all mean? The answer is absolutely nothing. But what's really perplexing is how the kid in the visions appears to be constantly changing. He looks like a normal kid at first, then a couple of times the right side of his face is screwed up and one time he actually looks like a different kid actor altogether. Did the filmmakers not see the first movie? This one doesn't even resemble a mongoloid. He's just some kid.

And what about adult Jason? Well to be honest, Kane tries, but even all of his head-cocking, chest-heaving bad-assery doesn't help. With the cheap plastic mask and lame special effects, this Jason actually appears quite tame compared to the Jason of old. Nothing really looks real so the deaths are of no import. And when we finally see Jason with his mask off at the very end, well, let's just say you could buy a cheap Halloween mask and come up with a scarier looking creature.

Some of the scenes in New York (when they get to New York) are a lot of fun. In one scene Rennie and Sean run into a diner screaming "There's a maniac trying to kill us!" "Welcome to New York," a bored waitress replies. And Jason in Times Square is something to behold, especially when he shows a few punks whose boss by removing his mask and showing them his face. It's one of the funniest moments in the F13 series and is a sad reminder of how well this movie could have worked if they had only tried.

So...the majority of the movie takes place on the ship. The kids are boring as all hell. The special effects are terrible and the action is non-existent. Now, from what I understand they had to cut down on the amount of New York in the movie. The original script actually had most of the action taking place in the big city but the movie was rewritten after they realized they just didn't have the budget. To a good writer this would have been no problem. Just knock off some of the landmarks, dress up Canada (where the majority of this was obviously filmed) with a few dingy streets and bingo bango - Manhattan. But I guess that would have been what a good writer should have done.  F13 Part 8 sadly didn't seem to have that. Sigh. Oh, what could have been.

NOTE:  Oh yeah, you know that opening song, The Darkest Side of the Night made it on to my iPod. I couldn't help it, it was just so 80's cheesy awesome. Yeah, I downloaded it. And I'm not ashamed....much.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Rocker J.J. and her death by axe guitar. Rock and Roll!
• Tough guy Julius taking on Jason in a boxing match and Jason's stoic reaction.
• Jason's first glimpse of Times Square. Brilliant.
• Jason removing his mask to show those street kids exactly what they were dealing with. Feeling lucky punks?

Fun Facts Kids!

• Lar Park Lincoln (Tina from Part 7) was asked back but negotiations broke down when she wanted more money.
• Only one week was spent filming the scenes in New York.
• The cook that Jason throws into the mirror in the diner scene is Ken Kirzinger, who eventually played Jason in "Freddy Vs Jason." 
• In one scene Kane Hodder was told he had to kick a dog. He refused saying "Jason wouldn't do that."
• This one didn't do so well at the box office and was the final nail in the coffin (so to speak) for Paramount who quickly sold the original franchise to New Line.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - The New Blood

Back in black
I hit the sack
I've been too long I'm glad to be back
 - AC/DC

We're up to Part 7 - most commonly known as "Jason meets Carrie" among the fans, which is probably the most accurate description I must say. It's also among the silliest concept in a Friday movie but here's the weird part. This is my favorite of all the F13 movies. I know, I know, it should be Part 1 or 2 but, as messy as it is, I am thoroughly entertained by this movie.

This time around we begin with flashbacks of other F13 films and a narrator who tells us that Jason is still out there in the water. Then we cut to another flashback of a young Tina (our protagonist) getting PO'd that her Dad was beating up on her Mom and using her psychic powers to knock the boat dock out right from under him. He dies. Years later, she grows up into teen Carrie..er...Tina, and goes with her Mom and her therapist to visit the site of her Father's death to get some closure I guess. There she meets the hunk next door Nick, who is partying with a bunch of other young adults that emcompass all the stereotypes including the bitch, the nerd, the stoner, etc. During a traumatic moment, Tina manages to "accidentally" psychically revive Jason, who's been in the water all that time, and hilarity ensues, along with vast amounts of violence.

I LIKE this movie. Just plain like it. And for the longest time I couldn't figure out why. The psychic stuff is kind of silly and seriously borrows so much from Carrie they should have named the character of Tina "Sissy" in her honor. The sterotypes are pretty broad with the exception of Nick, who has a nice chemistry with Tina. And the ending is just plain stupid. But....

Jason is TERRIFYING in this one. This is the one F13 movie where I looked at Jason and went "Whoa. Creeped OUT." It could be that this is the first time we get Kane Hodder playing Jason and I have to admit, he adds a lot of physicality to the role with his threatening stance, sharp jerky movements that chest heave that says "Yep, you're dead."

But what terrified me even more than Kane's performance was the look of Jason. Yep, our boy Jason has come a long way since his start as a monogloid and a mountain man. This Jason is neither of those things. Nope, this time we have Zombie Jason. He has a partial ribcage showing. His hockey mask isn't pure white, it looks like it has been through hell (which it probably had, this is Jason we're talking about). His clothes are black, torn and tattered. At one point he reaches out an arm to kill a lad and you can see dark rivulets of black gunk oozing out of his exposed forearm. And let's just talk about Jason with his mask off, shall we? It's scary, it's horrifying, it's a death mask and it. looks. wonderful.

Oh and this one had the sleeping bag kill. Need I say more?

So it's a little cheesy. The kids aren't likeable (except for Tina and Nick), the psychic powers seem more like an afterthought than anything else, the ending is implausible to say the least (and the movie ends abruptly) but you know what? I enjoyed it. The atmosphere was creepy, the music suited the film, the kids are just there to die but watching them die is tons of fun. And Jason? Well, he's just doing what Jason does, except he's doing it better. And he looks terrific doing it.

Sadly, I know it's all downhill from here. I remember hating Part 8,9 and 10. But I'm going to re-watch them again and review. I'm no quitter. But then again, neither is Jason.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Sleeping bag death scene!
• Tina using her powers to make Melissa's pearls explode. Take that, bitch!
• Skeevy Terry Kiser (Tina's therapist) using Tina's Mom as a human shield against Jason. Boo. Hiss.
• Any scene with Jason. Did I mention I really love this version of Jason? I really love this version of Jason.

Fun Facts Kids!

• If the narrator at the beginning of the movie sounds familiar, he should. It's the voice of Walt Gorney (Crazy Ralph) from the first and second film.
• In the infamous sleeping bag kill, Jason actually hit the bag several times against the tree but it was cut down as one hard hit made the death seem even more brutal.
• Lar Park Lincoln (Tina) kept her real age a secret (she was 28) in case people would think she was too "old" to play Tina.
• The working title of the film was "Birthday Bash".
• Kerry Noonan (Paula from Part 6) auditioned for the role of Tina, not knowing that it was a Friday the 13th film. Obviously, she didn't get the part.
  

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - Jason Lives

Oh, if you see him coming
Get away if you can
Just keep on running
Run as fast as you can
He's a dangerous, strangerous man
 - Alice Cooper

Okay, I feel like knocking these out of the park and I'm on a roll, so here I am continuing the F13 marathon review with Part 6: Jason Lives. Jason lives . HA! Like there was ever any doubt. Anyways, you really don't see much love or hate for this film and the reason why is there's really nothing wrong with it, but it's not that great either. It's just a Jason movie. And that's all it's really trying to be.

The movie begins with Tommy Jarvis (now played by Thom Mathews) and Horshack (RIP Horshack!) inexplicably deciding to dig up Jason to get some closure. Or something. Of course, it all goes terribly wrong, lightning strikes the body of Jason, and he comes to life. Horshack dies, Tommy escapes and then we cut to a new group of camp counselors awaiting their inevitable doom, including the sweet and pretty Paula, the nice girl Sissy, slutty boy Cort and the Sheriff's rebellious 30 year-old teenage daughter Megan who sees Tommy in jail and decides he looks doable enough to rescue.

Now which of these characters is "final" material? I bet you're guessing the wrong ones....

This one isn't really the most memorable of all the F13's but it's not that bad either. Director Tom McLoughlin at least tries to inject some humor into the series. One of the kids (yes there are actually kids in the camp!) has a copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's No Exit on his chest as he quietly sleeps. A caretaker looks at the audience at one point and sneers "Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment." And one little kid asks another after seeing Jason, "So what DID you want to be when you grew up?" It's not all guffaw worthy but it helps the movie along and adds a little fun along the way.

So what makes it kind of forgettable? Well, if you thought Tommy was bland in the last installment, get a load of Thom. Now I loved the actor in Return of the Living Dead but here he's just lost as he mumbles, stumbles and bores. You know the character just isn't working when Corey Feldman was the better actor of all the three that played him. And then there's the "final" girl Megan. Ask any F13 fan and they will tell you, the wrong girl lived. All the character does is "tee hee" and show how "naughty" she is, giggling, screaming and flirting with Tommy. In fact, even after learning people are dead, the actress just squeals and giggles some more. You really just wanna slap the crap out of her and tell her to listen to her Sheriff father, who I guess is supposed to be a dick, but is actually quite reasonable.

The final girl should have been Paula, a pretty, nice sweet counselor (and a much more believable actress) who sadly gets the most BRUTAL death in all the F13 movies. What makes it so brutal you ask? Well for one, everyone loved her character and didn't want to see her die. But also it's one of those deaths where what you imagine is far worse than what is shown. We HEAR Jason brutalizing her in a cabin, we see her body flung through a window and then Jason viciously pulling her back for more. When we see the aftermath, the cabin all covered in gore and blood, we can only imagine what happened. And it's bad.

The death scenes are pretty good, some of the characters work (like Paula and the Sheriff), some don't (Megan and Tommy) and some are just there to be killed. Jason looks pretty good this time around and we see a lot of him, unlike the previous two entries where he doesn't appear until the end. And C.J. Graham does a good job of making Jason look and act scary.

So what we have here is a typical Friday the 13th movie. It ain't the greatest, it's not trying to be, but it's far from the worst. And perhaps, that's for the best.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Jason's worm-ridden body coming to life with a lightning bolt because...well, why not?
• The little girl waking up at the cabin and talking about the "scary monster" she saw. Spoiler: The monster was real. : )
• Poor Paula and the most brutal death scene we never see.
• The Alice Cooper song "Man Behind the Mask" over the end credits which I loved as a teenager and had to download immediately after seeing this movie again. Memories.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Jason's underwater "death" scene was shot in the swimming pool of Tom McLoughlin's parents.
• The role of Tommy Jarvis was given to Thom Mathews after John Shepherd from Part 5 turned it down.
• C.J. Graham got a last-minute call to play Jason on a Saturday and started filming the following Monday when the original stuntman wasn't deemed scary enough.
• Even though there is a "sex" scene, this is the only Friday the 13th that contained no nudity whatsoever.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - A New Beginning

There was a man so cold
No life was in his eyes
He had a look so hard
I'd never seen him smile
 - Pseudo Echo

So after a brief reprieve due to real world obligations and a much needed vacation, I have stumbled on to the fifth installment of the Friday the 13th series, the oft-maligned Part 5: A New Beginning.

Now it's maligned for a reason and I'm going to give this reason away in the review because frankly, it's a really good reason to hate the movie BUT..apart from that, I didn't hate this movie. In fact, I kind of liked it.

The movie starts off with the a dream sequence featuring Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman) which leads to the adult Tommy on his way to a halfway house. Apparently the events from the last movie put Tommy in a mental hospital (and have made his eyes turn blue from Corey's dark brown for some reason) but he's now well enough to go into a group home. There he meets the other "kids" which include the sort of characters we've all come to know in these movies, and of course, Jason. Which really isn't Jason. Which is why fans really seem to hate this movie too much.

I liked the idea of the halfway house. You get a good assortment of damaged teens and it's a good way to isolate them from the outside world. Also they're likeable so you don't particularly will them to die, except for maybe Tommy whose acting is so bland, you forget about him in favor of the more colorful characters. The issue is all the other characters that infiltrate this movie that have absolutely nothing to do with anything. There's a little kid who is the grandson of the cook at the house, his brother who lives in a van with his girlfriend, the sheriff and a guy who I guess is the mayor who yells at the sheriff, a repulsive Mom and her equally repulsive redneck son. A couple of greasers whose car breaks down...

Gah, just top with the characters! Stop! If they had kept it to the main characters, the movie would have worked a lot better. And then there's the whole "not really Jason" thing. I'm giving away spoilers because, seriously, it's disappointing.

So, we are led to believe the killer is Jason who rarely appears onscreen, but there are all sorts of red herrings to try and convince us otherwise. There's Tommy, who's damaged goods and has "visions" of Jason from time to time, there's a mysterious drifter who appears out of nowhere (yet ANOTHER unnecessary character), there's one of the "kids" in the halfway house who kills a fat teen so pathetic that Shelly from F13 Part 3 would have snubbed him, there's the rednecks who have threatened to kill the teens for getting on their property. None of these lead anywhere.

So who was the killer? Well if it was Jason this could have been one of the better F13 movies. But...

It was Roy. Yes I'm giving away the ending. It was Roy. So, who was Roy? Roy was the ambulance driver in the beginning of the movie who picked up the dead fat teen who was killed at the house. Apparently, he was the father of the teen, never let on to that fact, and killed the kids in the halfway house as revenge. And he killed a whole slew of other characters for no reason. It's Roy, the character we knew nothing about who did absolutely nothing and was onscreen for a minute and a half at most.

Yes, that's why fans hate this movie and yes, that was the STUPIDEST ending of all the movies. But despite Roy, the rest of the movie isn't completely terrible. The deaths are somewhat creative and the effects are well done. The kids are actually pretty good actors, the halfway house setting works well. It all could have come together except it didn't. Ah well, on to the next one.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Demon (Miguel A. Nunez Jr.) and his girlfriend's strangely touching outhouse duet.
• Poor stuttering Jake attempting to hit on pretty girl Robin and failing. Miserably.
• Punk-girl Violet's new wave dance to the song "His Eyes" by Pseudo Echo, a song which has found it's way onto my iPod and is now one of my favorite songs in the world.
• Teeny woman Pam wielding a gigantic chainsaw at Jason and holding her own against him, until it unfortunately goes out at a critical moment.

Fun Facts Kids!

• The producers auditioned Debi Sue Voorhees (Tina) after they saw her last name in their photo pile.
• Violet's death was supposed to much more graphic, as she was split in two from her nether regions. Sadly the MPAA would not allow it and in the film she just gets stabbed normally.
• Stuntman Ted White was asked to reprise his role as Jason from Part 4 but turned it down saying "Once was enough."
• Imposter Jason is differentiated from real Jason by the colors on his mask. Roy's mask has blue stripes, while the real Jason's are red.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

You're in his eye and you'll know why
The more you live
The faster you will die
 - After the Fire

And so I trod on through the deep, dark, woods with my Friday the 13th Marathon review canon-style. This time around we meet Jason yet again in the ever-increasingly ill-named Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. And, surprise. It ain't half bad.

We begin with pretty Final Girl Trish Jarvis who lives a quiet, idyllic life in an isolated wooded area with her pretty blonde Mom and little kid brother Tommy. Quiet, that is, until the house next door fills up with meat for the beast, I mean -"kids" who just wanna party and have a good time (one of whom, a young Crispin Glover who's hilarious). Along the way, we get a few more characters thrown at us including some Brit twins (one of whom is a "slut") and a hunky hunter named Rob who ain't scouting for bears. And of course, Jason.

This one is a fan favorite and with good reason. It's apparent that, unlike many of theses movies, the writers, director and even the 'dead teen' actors actually gave a damn and tried to make a good movie. Also this is one slasher flick where all the characters are interesting with actual traits and personalities. Of special note is Corey Feldman who is cute and believable as young Tommy. I know, I know, it's Corey Feldman. But he was still a kid and I can't begrudge him here. He's actually quite good.

It's also pretty cool how they handled Jason who for the most part, is kind of kept in the shadows until the very end. Oh he kills people. He kills a TON of people. But generally what you see is the victim being slaughtered by someone unseen. You may see a hand, you see the victim, you see the implement of destruction but you don't see much of Jason and that adds a level of 'scary' that's usually lacking in F13 films. Oh, and as y'all know, Jason keeps his the hockey mask from the third movie. Thanks for that Shelly from Part 3! We hardly knew ye.

True, the movie has some issues. It's hardly suspenseful since we can tell the kids exist just to be slaughtered. Also Jason's unmasked face at the end is more than a little goofy. In fact his "death" scene looks far too animatronic to be taken seriously, complete with rolling eyeball and unnatural rubbery face movements which kind of take away from any real terror. Also the movie had a great idea in Tommy Jarvis and his complete melt-down in the end which could have indicated the birth of a new killer, but in the remaining movies in the franchise that idea goes bye-bye.

But you can't blame this movie for what happened in future Friday the 13th films and and Part 4 was a step in the right direction for the franchise. Sadly I think that things will take a turn for the worse as I make my way throught the rest of them.

NOTE: This movie may mark the first time that Jason actually saved a life, well, indirectly. Judie Aronson, who played the skinny dipping Samantha had to film her death scene on a raft and was left floating for several hours in 20 degree temperatures. After a while the poor girl begged to come in to warm up as she was quite literally turning blue. Director Joseph Zito refused until actor Ted White (Jason) said he would not film another scene until Judie was brought in. Zito gave in and Judie ended up in the hospital with hypothermia. Go Jason!

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Crispin Glover and the most dweebish spazz dance ever.
• Ted stoned and watching Victorian porn. Silly.
• The dog crashing through the window for absolutely no reason. Was he thrown by Jason? Was he just scared? Did he want to end it all because he had been forced to live with Corey Feldman? We never find out but it just looks so. damn. cool.
• Tommy Jarvis going all medieval on Jason's body after Jason is (presumably) dead. Whoa.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Ted White found Corey Feldman to be so obnoxious he admitted that during the scenes where he was to attack him, he wished he really could.
• During the scene where Ted gets stoned, actor Lawrence Monoson decided to actually smoke pot before filming to get into character. He later admitted it was a big mistake as pot made him really "paranoid" and he had trouble acting in the scene.
• The movie takes place on Sunday the 15th, the day after the Part 3 and two days after Part 2.
• Corey Feldman's parents did not want him to shave his head for the movie as television pilot season was coming up, so the director used a stand-in for Corey, a child actor who actually DID shave his head specifically for filming.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th Part 3

One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
 - Blondie

I had a string of luck with Friday the 13th Part 1 and 2, both of them pretty good slashers in their own right. So, is Friday the 13th Part 3 just as good? The answer is no. It's not that's it horrible, mind you. It's that it's just not as good.

The movie starts off with 10 minutes of paddin- I mean, 10 minutes of footage from part 2, then continues with 10 more minutes of filler where an unpleasant couple who have nothing to do with the movie are offed. But after all that we finally get to the main characters which include Final Girl Chris - a pretty nondescript brunette and her friends which include yet another horny couple, a stoner couple, loveable pudgy loser Shelly and his blind date Vera. Along the way they meet up with Chris's 45-year old looking love interest Rick, a trio of up-to-no-good bikers, and of course Jason.

I didn't remember much of this movie from when I originally saw it and after watching it, I really still don't remember much. Chris and her friends are a completely boring lot and you don't really get a feel for most of the characters, save Shelly, who is pretty memorable in that you want to punch him and hug him at the same time. And then there's Jason. No offense to Richard Brooker who played him this time around, but Jason seemed a little 'lacking' in this one. The whole "mountain man" thing is gone and this Jason is kind of skinny, not nearly as hulking or threatening as he should be. In fact, he's not even that much of a presence until the end of the movie. However, I will say this, this Jason seems to have the "look" of Jason down, from his clothes to his hockey mask which he gets in Part 3 courtesy of Shelly who has a small magic box that contains several costume elements. Jason finds the mask, puts it on and an icon is born. So it ain't all bad.

Another problem with the movie is the 3D gimmick. Now granted I couldn't get my hands on a 3D copy but it doesn't really matter. While it would appear that Jason and his penchant for killing with assorted tools would work well in 3D (and I bet it did) the movie makers unwisely decided that everything should revolve around 3D. Therefore the actors move in unnatural way and things are shoved randomly towards the screen, most of which have NOTHING to do with Jason. Just how scary is popcorn? Laundry? Apples? Oranges? Bales of Hay? How about Yo-Yo's? Considerable time was spent filming these in 3D. What a waste when you could just have Jason jumping out at ya with a machete.

Then there's Chris and the tale of her first encounter with Jason. You see it appears that while in high school, she ran away from her home one night into the deep woods and Jason attacked her with a knife. She fought him off, he dragged her back and she "passed out." The next day she was in her own room.

Wait. WHAT?

Are we supposed to believe that Jason attacked a young girl, had her, but didn't kill her because ... well that's the problem. WHY wouldn't he kill her? Was it because she was too pretty? Was Jason just sleepy and tired that night? Did his grinchy heart grow 3 sizes bigger? It's the stupidest story in the entire franchise and that's saying something. Oh and to hear her tell it. Well, let's just say there's a DVD bonus extra on the second disk of the documentary His Name is Jason that consists of fans making fun of her "acting" in the tale. So there you go.

The chase scene at the end between Chris and Jason almost ALMOST makes up for the entire movie but it's not enough to save it because by then we've already forgotten most of the movie. That and the nonsensical dream ending (how did Jason's Mom get her head back and how would Chris even know her?) doesn't make this Friday the 13th a date to remember. Except the disco theme song. Dammit, I like the disco theme song.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Mike's famous handstand kill and that machete going right down the middle. Ouch!
• Jason putting on his mask for the first time and deciding he quite likes it.
• Rick's ultra-fake looking head squishing scene and the eyeball popping out with a very very thick wire attached. Couldn't they have tried a little harder?
• Momma Voorhees coming out of the water in the dream sequence. I have to admit, even though it didn't make sense, it was still funny.

Fun Facts Kids!

• The lakehouse was built specifically for the movie and stayed in the same location until a fan burned it down when he tried to start a fire in the artificial fireplace. 
• Larry Zerner (Shelly) was discovered working in a movie theater when he was asked to audition for the movie.
• The 2nd Assistant Director Marilyn Poucher played Jason's Mom in this movie.
• The movie takes place on Saturday the 14th, the day after the events of Part 2.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th Part 2

I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
 - L.L. Cool J

And so my Friday the 13th marathon review continues. Moving right along to the first sequel in the F13 series, Friday the 13th Part 2.

Many people think the franchise started with the first Friday the 13th, but really, I think it started with this one. After all, this is the first movie where we have the one and only Jason as the killer. Also some of the "kill setup clichés" are now neatly put into place for inclusion in the future movies. Do you have sex or are you even thinking about having sex? You die. Jason HATES when you do that, even more than as his Mom did. Skinny dipping? Automatic death. Are you a completely forgettable character who doesn't really do anything at all? Dead, dead, deadski. Are you a good likeable girl with smarts and a lot of dialogue? Congrats, you just might live. However, if you're the boyfriend/love interest of the likable girl, it's a toss-up.

In F13 - Part 2, we get a new set of kids that differ only slightly from the old set of kids. The main character is Ginny (Amy Steel) who is dating the head counselor Paul and plays the role of the Final Girl. We've got the obligatory standard-issue horny couple. We also get a guy in a wheelchair, a girl crazy about the guy in a wheelchair, a girl who doesn't seem to own a bra and the guy crazy for the girl who doesn't seem to own a bra. So, yeah, it's a good group. What what about the plot, you ask? Really I can't say much about the plot because there really isn't one. They come to set up the camp, they die. That's really all there is too it.  But let's talk Jason!

This Jason looks a little different from the one we all know and fear now. No mask, instead he wears a pillow case with one eye cut out (the hockey mask doesn't come into play until the next installment.) But he's still Jason and he's killing kids in the woods who do things that kids in the woods do. All while wearing overalls, a flannel shirt and a big burlap bag covering his face. This is the Mountain Man version of Jason and he's fun to watch. He's an interesting character on his own.

The movie works pretty well on it's own too and contains some clever foreshadowing .  Like Ginny pulling up in her car which we can see isn't work well ("My car's sick!" she exclaims), so when it inevitably doesn't start during the chase sequence, it's not much of a contrivance. Also we know that Ginny is studying child psychology, so her trying to trick/disorient Jason is kind of a cool little scene. I mean, Jason never really grew up did he? He's got the heart and mind of a child. And he probably keeps them buried somewhere on the campgrounds.

But for all the clever moments, there were a few things that didn't really sit well with me. For example, one of the kids, Ted, is set up at the beginning as a prankster and a main character. First of all, the character isn't really that far from "Ned" who in the first one was the prankster. But second of all, the last we see him is at a bar. We don't know what happened to him, he's never shown leaving the bar, and probably never gets killed. In essence, why have the character if you're not going to let him die? Or does he survive the night? We never find out.

Also, the ending. Like the first one, it involves Jason attacking the hapless heroine through a neat jump scare (this time by bursting through a window.) But the next time we see her, she's survived and is on a stretcher(?). She's also asking "Where's Paul?" which is a pretty good question since we don't know what the hell happened to her boyfriend. Or Ted. Or those other nameless counselors who went to the bar earlier. Was it a dream? Did she somehow survive the jump attack? And what about Muffins the dog? Oh for Gods sake, what happened to Muffins the dog!

I asked in the IMDB horror section what horror fans thought was the worst and the best F13, and this came up quite a bit as people's favorite. I have to admit, I enjoyed it for what it was, which is exactly what the first one was, which is a nifty little slasher. Nothing more, nothing less.

SIDENOTE:  There seems to be a lot of confusion as to who actually played Jason in this movie. In the credits, it's stated that the role is played by Warrington Gillette. However, about a week and half into shooting Gillette was replaced by stuntman Steve Daskawicz because Gillette was refusing to do the stunts. Many F13 fans were unaware of this as Gillette was attending horror conventions as THE Jason in the movie, even though he only did one scene. However, a few diehards figured it out and contacted Steve who was upset that Warrington was taking credit for the rest of the picture. Gillette explained it away to Steve saying that he had been in a skiing accident and had lost some of his memory, but Steve, a retired New York cop, isn't buying it. Neither am I.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• The murder of Crazy Ralph. Hey, there really WAS a death curse!
• Mousy Vickie practically dry humping the useless legs of the wheelchair-bound Mark. Then putting on a normal pair of panties and an over-sized high neck velor sweater to seduce him. Down girl, DOWN!
• Ginny putting on Mom's old sweater and trying to trick Jason into thinking Mommy is talking to him.
• The final reveal of Mountain Man Jason bursting through the window

Fun Facts Kids!

• Tape was placed under Steve Daskawicz's eye to hold the pillow case in place so he could see better, however, it had the unfortunate effect of tearing the skin around his eyelids. 
• Adrienne King (Alice) returned for the sequel but didn't want to appear onscreen too long due to threats she was receiving from a stalker.
• Most of the "double impalement kill" scene had to be cut to avoid an "X" rating.
• In F13 Part 3, Steve Daskawicz (also known as Steve Dash) is credited in the flashback footage.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Friday the 13th - 1980

Mother
Can you keep them in the dark for life?
Can you hide them from the waiting world...

 - Danzig

And so the marathon review begins with the original classic that started it all: Friday the 13th.

I forgot just what a nifty little slasher film this was. Although the concept of kids alienated from most adults and being picked off one by one is not new (Sean Cunningham willing admitted he stole from Halloween),it has several little clever moments that allow it to hold up on its own merit.

Let's start with a quick recap for the two people in the world who have never seen it. A group of young camp counselors arrive at Camp Crystal Lake to set up for the camping season. Among them we have the bright and spunky Alice, sensible Brenda, young couple in love - Marcie and Jack (Kevin Bacon!) and other assorted nice likable young people who look forward to the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, the rest of their lives lasts only a few scant hours as they meet their doom by an unseen killer. Most of y'all know the rest as it leads up to the unlikeliest killer in movie history.

Betsy Palmer (Mrs. Voorhees) once said in an interview that she thought the movie would be forgettable trash and I understand how she thought that way. After all on paper, it probably didn't sound like anything interesting, just kids getting killed in the woods. But, there's quite a few things that sets the original F13 a cut above (yeah, my puns suck) other slasher films.

First of all, the kids are memorable and well-acted. While most films just put the dudes and chickies out to slaughter, F13 actually gives them personalities, hang-ups and smarts. They aren't dumb. They don't do dumb things. They don't know a killer's on the loose so going to the bathroom by yourself,checking on a generator, sneaking off a quickie, or accepting a ride from a friendly stranger is no big deal. In essence they act like kids act.

Second of all, the killer. Yes, she comes out of nowhere. SPOILER ALERT! It's Mrs. Voorhees whose son drowned years ago while counselors were having sex and she wants to avenge his death. The Mom was never mentioned, the son was never mentioned so it may appear as though the audience was gyped. But dang if Betsy Palmer isn't one of the most awesome killers ever to grace the silver sceen. She looks so friendly in her cable knit sweater, like she'd bake you cookies. But as we learn....Mrs. Voorhees would cut a bitch. And by bitch, I mean anyone. But especially camp counselors. Damn, does she hate herself some camp counselors.

So far from being "forgettable trash", the first movie stands up on it's own as a decent little slasher/thriller. Some of the special effects are a little dated (sorry Tom Savini) but mainly because you can see where the actor's skin ends and the prosthetic begins, but the kills are still fun to watch. And Mrs. Voorhees death scene is certainly a thing to behold.

Next up: Friday the 13th Part 2. Returning to Camp Blood for more gore and mayhem!

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Poor lovable Annie hitching a ride in a jeep with some unseen character and getting more than a little freaked out that they passed her exit.
• Mrs. Voorhees explaining to Alice about Jason's death and growing more and more unstable and crazy.
• Decapitation in slo-mo with kickass incidental music!
• Jason jumping out of the water at the end and pulling poor Alice into the murky depths below.

Fun Facts Kids!

• The date of Friday the 13th is mentioned only once in the movie
• The perenial F13 sound "chi chi chi, ha ha ha" is actualy "ki ki ki, ma ma ma". Harry Manfredini took the sounds from the "Kill her Mommy" dialogue and used his own voice to record the Ki and Ma sound through a reverb. The result is classic.
• During Mrs. Voorhee's decapitation, look closely at her hairy hands. Those hands were actually played by Taso N. Stavrakis who worked with Tom Savini on the special effects.
• The final scene with Jason jumping out of the water was not in the original script. But the filmmakers were influenced by the ending of Carrie and wanted a good "jump scare" ending.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

The Friday the 13th Marathon Review Experiment

Psycho Killer,
Qu'est Que C'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away

 - Talking Heads

I had a reader recently email and ask, why no Friday the 13th? And I had to admit, it's a pretty valid question. Granted I just started writing reviews and I'm not a huge F13 fan, but every horror movie fan worth his or her salt (in the wound that is) knows that this series is a pinnacle of the genre. Love it. Hate it. Or just plain tolerate it. Everybody knows about it and if you ask your dear sainted Grandmother who the killer in the hockey mask is, ten bucks says she'd know the answer.

So, apropos of nothing, Werewolves is going to review every Friday the 13th canon-style, one right after the other.  I plan to watch every blood-spattered, power-tooled, silly, sexy, stupid, fun, second of every Friday movie featuring the beloved masked mongoloid killer with mommy issues.  Just not all at once. I have a life and a day job. ; )

The reviews will start soon with the one that started it all: The Original Friday the 13th (1980).  Can't wait to see you at Camp Blood.  I hear it has a death curse....