Freddy Vs. Jason

Lean on me
when you're not strong
and I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
- Bill Withers

I haven't seen this movie since it came out and I remember hating it. Not just kind of hating it. Really really hating it. As in I wanted to smack it with a shovel, bury it, then watch it come back to life so I could have the pleasure of making it all dead once more.

Well, time must have softened me a bit because I didn't hate it as much when I recently watched it for a review, but it's far, far from good.

The plot (if one can actually call the thin thread holding everything together a plot) is that Freddy is trapped in the nightmare world and needs Jason Voorhees to bring him back somehow. This involves a bunch of teens, including Lori who lives in Nancy's old house but inexplicably doesn't know who Freddy is, and her friends who all exist so they can get killed. Eventually the plot becomes a fight between Jason and Freddy, but not before we're all a bit bored and annoyed.

So Freddy vs. Jason. Who wins?

Jason. Jason wins.

Okay, let's clarify. There is no clear winner, even the ambiguous ending let's us know that. But I'm talking about who wins the movie. And Jason wins. This sounds like a strange thing coming from a girl who loves her some Nightmare and could care less about Friday the 13th (See my taken on F13 movies in  the Friday the 13th Marathon Experiment).

So why Jason? Jason is bigger, more terrifying and more interesting in this movie than he ever was in any of the Friday the 13th movies. I know there were a lot of people upset that Kane Hodder didn't play him this time around. I understood. But here's the thing, you don't miss him. He's played this time by stunt guy Ken Kirzinger (who did a Jason stunt in F13 Part 8 by the way) and he makes a wonderful Jason. He's big, he's hulking, he's threatening and also sort of weirdly sympathetic. When he's being scolded by his mother (a trick by Freddy) he manages to convey an odd sort of pathos,  even through the mask, with a tilt of the head, a look in the eyes and a slump of the shoulders. Heck, at one point he transforms back into his little deformed kid self and it's actually sad to watch. Ironically, that doesn't make him any less scary. It just adds a little more depth to his character.

Freddy on the other hand is anything but sympathetic, as well he shouldn't be. He was a child killer and there's no redemption there. So that's fine, he's supposed to be bad. But he's so obnoxious and talks so much here that I wasn't so much scared as wishing he would shut the hell up. Don't get me wrong, I love Robert Englund, but here he's playing Freddy like he did in Part 6 - all talk, no substance and absolutely not scary. Sorry Freddy, you know I loves ya, but Jason is outclassing you here...which is weird.  Interestingly enough, Jason also has the better make-up, which is again...very weird.

The kids are universally terrible, especially Monica Keenan's Lori, who we're supposed to feel for, but just is so annoying you'd wish Freddy would shut up and skewer her already. These are kids who go to a rave to dance and party after their friend was violently murdered and snapped in two the night before. They're obnoxious, they're useless, and you want them dead. The only bright spot  in this mess is Brendan Fletcher, who plays escaped teen mental patient Mark Davis - a guy who has encountered Freddy before and wants to help stop him before he kills again. He's a fun character who you actually would like to see survive. Of course he doesn't, but you kind of root for him while he's still around.

So I didn't hate this movie as much as once did, and that's not quite a glowing recommendation because I still hated it. And this concludes my Nightmare on Elm Street Marathon Experiment. So  what have I learned? Well that Freddy is best when he's scary and the Nightmare movies that worked best are the ones that focus on the kids. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back and watch the original Nightmare on Elm Street - Freddy at his finest.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the re-make you can read my thoughts on it in a segment I call The Live Blogging of a Crap Horror Film.

Nighty-night all and sweet dreams....

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Jason calmly walking through the corn rows at the rave whilst on fire and butchering any teen that falls into his path.
• Jason's house which is brilliant - with rotting corpses and swampy atmosphere. It looks like a place the big lug would call home. And it looks like it would smell. Badly.
• The coma patients in the mental ward, suddenly sitting up and pointing Freeburg to the Hypnocil. It's creepy and effective, which is something the rest of the movie lacks.
• Jason coming out of the water, holding Freddy's head - which winks. Nice.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Katherine Isabel (Gibb) refused to do nudity, so a body double was used for her shower scene.
• Freddy only kills one person in the movie. The rest of the kills are all Jason's.
• Even though Ken Kirzinger is a professional stuntman, the movie makers still insisted on using a stuntman for him in a few scenes. 
• The original ending had Lori and her love interest Will about to have sex for the first time, when he rises up with a claw and kills her. (I saw it on the extras and let's just say...they were wise to cut it.)

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

I never was the kind to sleep light
but then I never had these kind of nights 
Something evil watching over me 
And I'm afraid this ain't no fantasy
- 213

Is it over?  Is it really over? Of course not, nothing is over (until it becomes unprofitable) so fans asked for it. And they got it.  But I'm kind of unsure what they got at this point.

I have to admit, I don't think I'd ever sat through this movie before, although I'd seen bits and pieces it never seemed to hold my interest. I'm glad I sat through it this time, but it still took a concerted effort. We start off with a nifty little dream sequence featuring a Freddy special effect gone terribly wrong and a rude awakening via an earthquake. There we meet the beautiful Heather Langenkamp playing herself, her husband Chase (David Newsome) and their little kid Dylan (Miko Hughes, the creepy child from Pet Semetary.) But all is not well in the household. Poor Heather is being stalked by someone leaving Freddy calls, and, as it turns out, Freddy himself may actually be real as the pages of a script for an upcoming Nightmare movie are, apparently, writing themselves.

New Nightmare was written and directed by Wes Craven and marks his return to the dead franchise. And it's obvious Wes loves the character that he created and that he wanted to bring NOES back to it's scary roots. I applaud that. Good for him. The issue I have is that this is a movie that takes itself seriously. No, wait....very seriously.  Extremely, extremely extremely seriously. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. More on that later.

First let's talk about Heather. She looks fabulous here and seems comfortable playing herself, but she isn't given a whole lot to do in the script. She starts out by worrying and fretting, continues to worry and fret and finally ends with her screaming a lot whilst worrying and fretting. I can understand this, as she seems to live in a place where earthquakes occur daily, and the original Nightmare on Elm Street plays on TV 24/7 but it would be nice to see her have a few happy family moments before all the craziness begins.

Apart from Heather we also get to see a couple of NOES actors playing themselves. There's John Saxon (who hasn't aged a day since the first movie), and of course Robert Englund, whose in a few small scenes, the most memorable being one where he's talking to Heather on the phone while painting a disturbing picture right out of a nightmare. Tuesday Knight from Part 4 and Nick Corri from the original also show up briefly during a funeral scene.

Well, what about Freddy? He looks...different. I mean, I know what the make-up people were going for.  And even though it's an uncredited Robert playing him here, he looks nothing like him. Which is good, the better to make Freddy a character completely separate from Robert Englund. I get it. But the make-up is just...bad. It's kind of like Jason 2.0 in Jason X. Sure it's modern, but that doesn't make it better. The green hat and trench coat have got to go. Freddy in leather pants is just plain wrong. And can you say "bone claws?" Sorry Wolverine, but it looks like Freddy stole your schtick. Oh Freddy, you were far more contemporary in a dirty green and red sweater and old fedora. Fire your stylist.

Oh, and the story. The premise is great, Freddy is becoming real, Heather is freaking out and somehow her child is involved. But how is the child involved? Sometimes it appears as though Freddy wants to possess the kid. Then others he's using the kid to get at Heather. And then there's a stuffed dinosaur that Dylan feels protects him. Oh and the kid is sleep-deprived, talking to himself and growling like Freddy. I don't know, none of it made much sense. And...then there's the kid. Well kudos to Miko for growing up and staying out of trouble, unlike most child actors. He looks great today and every bit as cute as he did back then. But back then, every time he plays scared or evil, you kind of want him to shut up. It's more annoying than terrifying.

Let's get back to the "serious" problem.  It's all well and good to want to make something less cheesy than the past ones. But this adds a whole lot of cheese on top of cheese that is in essence, humorless. Okay, Heather having to go through all these ordeals at once is somewhat believable and she handles it well. But her kid playing in traffic, while a gigantic animated claw dangles him is just plain stupid. As is the "looks like taffy" tongue wrapping itself around Heather/Nancy trying to kill her. And Freddy trying to "eat" Dylan is one of the worst special effects moments in the series. Yeah I said it. It's dumb. But it's played serious. Why?

There are little nods to the original. "Screw your hallpass!" and the babysitter death in the revolving room for example. But they have little to no impact except for the audience to say "Hey I remember that from the original" so they're pretty useless.

So this is the last one (not counting the remake).  Should you watch it? Sure, why not? If only to see Heather. But will you enjoy it?  Jury's out on that one. Your call.

And that concludes my canon-style review of the NOES series!
Oh wait. I forgot Freddy vs. Jason. 
Crap. 

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Wes Craven explaining to Heather that he wants her to play Nancy one last time. And the script that's writing itself to include their conversation.
• It's nice to see Robert Englund as Robert Englund. I wish we could have seen more of him though.
• John Saxon calling Heather, Nancy. And Heather realizing...she IS Nancy. And suddenly she's in her PJ's in front of Nancy's home. Creepy.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Heather Langenkamp's real life husband is a special effects artist.
• Miko Hughes still has the sewed up version of Rex.
• The PJ's Heather wears and the jacket John Saxon wears when he becomes Nancy's dad were from the original movie. Wes Craven had kept them all those years.
• The tongue phone scene used the same type of mechanism they used for the original tongue phone scene.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

NOTE: TO THE SPAMMERS WHO KEEP ON COMMENTING UNDER THIS PARTICULAR POSTING - THEY'RE NOT GETTING THROUGH AND YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME. BUT THANKS FOR THE TRAFFIC! LOSERS!

We can deal with rockets and dreams
But reality, what does it mean
Ain't nothing said
Cause Freddie's dead
- Curtis Mayfield

Oh dear. Oh my stars. Oh...crap.  How could the death of an classic horror icon be handled so terribly.  I am truly offended. In fact, this movie was so bad, I wrote a letter expressing my disappointment, shock and awe which I have reprinted here in all of it's glory (although it arrived about 12 years too late.)

Sept, 13, 1991

Dear People Who Made This Crapfest:

I am thoroughly disgusted by your movie. I have come to expect a certain amount of cheese from your waning franchise, it's true. But this...this abomination...well, it turns my stomach. I mean, what did you do to Freddy?

Not only is he not funny, he's not scary. You could have had him be one or the other or a nice combination of both, but instead you chose "none of the above." Freddy breaks the 4th wall constantly, his make-up is the worst it's ever looked, and frankly I think he bought all of his props from ACME. To put it best: This is a Looney Tunes cartoon and Freddy is Wile E. Coyote.

And his lousy death scene, well...let's just say that I think that CGI fad will soon be going away. I mean I don't see it continuing on in 1992 and beyond.

Anyways here's a list of things that really pissed me off:

• Lisa Zane looks like she belongs in an episode of L.A. Law, not a horror film
• That video game sequence was just plain stupid with Spencer hopping all over the place.  And the Power Glove? Really?
• Okay, Johnny Depp is dreamy, but why did you have Roseanne and Tom Arnold in there?
• Freddy should not have a kid.
• Freddy should not have had a kid.
• Did I mention that Freddy should not had/have a kid?  C'mon the guy killed children! He was the solitary loner who lived in boiler room and slashed little bodies. Not the suburban guy on a well-manicured lawn.  Get real.
• Come to think of it, the fair-haired kid didn't even look like exotic Middle-Eastern looking Maggie, who in turn couldn't look less like Robert Englund. 

Finally what the hell do 3-D glasses have to do with the dream world? The 3-D didn't add anything and made no sense. Gee, I hope that's trend that will never come back. I mean I can't imagine them in 2010 and beyond using that hackneyed trick. It's so dated. Unlike acid wash overalls, which are totally here to stay, Mark my words.

Okay I'll admit, there were a few things I liked:

• Carlo's death with his hearing issue was kind of cool , I guess.
• The map scene was kind of fun.
• The kid-free town had a nice spooky feel, even if it wasn't believable.
• Um....Johnny Depp's skin looked great?  Yeah I got nothing else. 

So thanks, filmmakers. You ruined the end of a perfectly good franchise. And I'll bet they'll never ever, ever, ever, going to make another Nightmare on Elm Street film after this one. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see this band called Nirvana. I hear they're pretty good.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. Poor Freddy deserved a better send-off than this. And now he's dead. Never to return...

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• The opening dream sequence on the plane which reminded me a little bit of Final Destination.
• Hey! It's Johnny Depp!
• Hey! It's Alice Cooper!
• Teen Freddy who was actually scarier in this one than adult Freddy.

Fun Facts Kids!

• Nintendo would not give the filmmakers the rights to use the power glove. They used it anyway.
• If you want to see what  Lezlie Dean (Tracy) looks like now, watch her in the Never Sleep Again Documentary. Wow. Just...wow.
• Lisa Zane submitted a song for the end of the movie that didn't make it.
• A young upstart by the name of Peter Jackson wrote a very interesting script that was intelligent as it was imaginative. It (sadly) wasn't used and instead we got this.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying
How much you love me 
- Paul Anka

And so the nightmare continues...canon-style with the fifth (and probably least remembered) of the series: The Dream Child.

This is one of the movies that people kind of forget about. It didn't do too well in the theaters and fans of the series really don't claim it as one of the best or one of the worst. However, it's actually not a bad movie. What I'm going to say may be a little controversial and maybe even a bit heretical to you NOES fans, but I have to say it. I liked this better than Part 4. And I think I know why.  But first, a synopsis.

Alice once again returns as our main heroine and everything is going super-duper awesome in her life. She is joined by "major league hunk" Dan, her now-boyfriend and a group of totally new friends...er....victims because life is too short to think of all those that died brutally in the last film! Whee! And she's graduating!  Of course, all that changes when she predictably starts having dreams again. Oops. And...she finds out she's pregnant. And...Freddy wants her child. I guess to be reborn, or to live through his dreams or something. It's never fully stated. But let's just say bad things are happening to the new mama.

Let's start with what the film has going for it. This movie looks good. It looks like the set designer had a field day. The cinematography and the set designs are spectacular, especially the mental hospital where Freddy's Mother was raped and the M.C. Escher-inspired stairways during the climax. From viewing it, it's obvious that somebody actually gave a damn when it came to creating this world.

But....you can only see so much "pretty" before you begin to notice the flaws. Mainly, with the rest of the movie. There's not much of a story and you could drive a mack truck through the holes in what little plot there is. Also, these kids just exist to be slaughtered. Okay, fine, we already knew that. But none of Alice's friends suffer from the sheer exhaustion the others felt in earlier movies. No one believes Alice about Freddy so they can sleep at night just fine. So why do they keep on accidentally falling asleep?  Dan falls asleep while driving, although he looked perfectly awake in the scene before. Greta falls asleep during a large dinner party, but....she didn't appear tired before. Yvonne falls asleep in a small pool, but she'd just finished diving so she would have been wide awake.

All that makes no sense but then again, neither do most of the scenes. This whole movie is just a patchwork of visual images. In fact, everyone associated with this movie admits that everything was made up on the fly and it shows. There wasn't much of a working script so they just threw everything in the kitchen sink and no one knew what was happening from day to day.  It works in some ways and in others, it doesn't. I mean, there is definitely a lot of creativity in this one. And I certainly wasn't bored, but....I wasn't compelled either. Freddy wasn't so much a threat as an afterthought. And since I didn't know what the heck he was trying to do with Alice's baby, I wasn't on the edge of my seat.  But at least I was more entertained than I was by The Dream Master, which made me yawn throughout.

I may like this one because of the extra cheese. I mean most of this movie is downright silly. Greta's "overeating" for example with the ultra-fake prosthetic. Freddy's birth where he apparently becomes the "It's Alive" baby, which doesn't make sense since Freddy wasn't deformed before he was burned. And of course, there's Super Freddy. With a...lightening bolt across his chest? I don't know. Let's just say it was creative enough to be fun to watch, but scary or suspenseful? Nah. You won't find it here. And I'll admit, the ending was just plain stupid. But it's still insanely watchable.

Suffice it to say, I really didn't like Part 4, but I found this one less boring and a little more fun, which suited me just fine since I didn't expect much anyways.

It's still not the worst of the bunch, but we all know which one that is....Part 6. I'm looking at you.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Alice's nightmare of being a nun trapped with a thousand maniacs...
• Dan's motorcycle scene, which was somewhat cheesy but looked damned cool.  
• Mark's "Take On Me" moment when he's dragged into a comic book.
• The creepy little kid who shows up from time to time to remind Alice she's pregnant. With him.

Fun Facts Kids!

• One of the writhing bodies in the opening sequence belonged to the buff actor who played "Super Freddy".
• Although it looked like Mark entered a black and white world, most of the scene was actually not filmed in black and white. Rather, the set was painted to look that way and wardrobe gave him colorful clothes to stand out.
• The laugh at the end of the movie before the final credits was actually Vincent Price's laugh from Michael Jackson's Thriller.
• Almost all of the death scenes had to be cut quite a bit to avoid an "X" rating.  

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Okay, what is it tonight?
Please just tell me what the hell is wrong?
Do you want to eat?
Do you want to sleep?
Do you want to drown?
- Dramarama

The Nightmare marathon continues with the 4th installment of the series: The Dream Master. And I hate to say it, but this is kind of the one that jumped the shark. I mean, if you disregard Part II (and many people do) NOES wasn't doing too badly up until this point.

It's not that Part 4 is extremely bad. It's just not that good.

We begin with Kristin, who has changed so much that she's actually morphed into another actress.  She's having those dreams again. You know, those dreams. And she wants Kincaid and Joey to believe that Freddy is back. Luckily all the suicide attempts are behind them and they all go to the same school which is convenient. With the surviving trio are Kristin's new friends - mousy Alice, Alice's brother Rick, slutty Debby, brainy Sheila and dreamboat Dan.

The main character becomes clear a bit later in this sequel as the friends start dying in droves and daydreamy Alice begins to take on the characteristics of each one. And she uses all those traits to take on Freddy. Of course.

So where to begin with this one?  The characters are okay I guess but they were just there to die essentially. The movie actually gets rid of the surviving three pretty early on, which is sort of bitter sweet because I actually liked Kincaid and Joey. Tuesday Knight as the new Kristin though was off. Yeah, Patricia Arquette's acting was a bit wooden at times but she had a real presence. This girl was just...there. Alice is okay but she's no Nancy. Same for the rest of the cast. They're okay. Their acting isn't bad, just okay. The whole thing was just...okay.

The dreams? Well, they showed creativity. A little too much creativity. Debby turns into a partial roach with roach arms inside of a roach motel. Rick takes on an invisible Freddy in a martial arts fight. I mean, they're okay to watch but no one really dreams like that. And each dream is telegraphed ahead of time. Okay, you have asthma? Guess how you die.  You don't like roaches? Guess what. Meh.

And okay, as I always ask, what about Freddy?

All of the time I was watching this movie, I knew there was somebody Freddy reminded me of and then it hit me. Freddy was the Wicked Witch of the West. No, seriously.  His features are much more angular than before, he practically rubs his hands in glee at every evil thought. Heck, he even cackles every time he kills a victim. And believe me,  a line reminiscent of "How about a little fire Scarecrow" follows each and every death.  Freddy is more like a comic book villain than an actual threat. And without the fear, Freddy really isn't Freddy.

I knew what Renny Harlin (in his first feature directorial debut) and the writers were going for but they just didn't get it. Part III had shown that Freddy could be funny AND frightening.  Here, he's reduced to the class clown. Yeah, you may laugh at him a bit, but you know he's capable of so much more and that makes one sad.

Sadly,  I think this was the beginning of the end for the franchise. But we'll see with Part 5....

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Oh Joey, don't you ever learn? Dames ain't nothing but trouble.
• Robert Englund in drag. Who looks like one thing. And that is Robert Englund in drag.
• That awesome Dramarama song.
• Alice and Dan's loop de loop dream and the feeling they'd done this before.... 

Fun Facts Kids!

• The opening song "Running from this Nightmare" was sung by Tuesday Knight.
• The martial arts sequence was supposed to be longer and more involved but they ran out of budget.
• The diner Alice works at is the Crave Inn. Get it?
• Toy Newkirk's mouth to mouth with Robert Englund was her first onscreen kiss. And his Freddy dentures fell into her mouth on the first take.
• One of the naked souls in Freddy's chest was played by horror favorite Linnea Quigley.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

We're the dream warriors
Don't wanna dream no more
We're the dream warriors
Maybe tonight you'll be gone
- Dokken

Ask Nightmare fans which is their favorite of the series and without a doubt you'll generally hear "the first and the third." There's a good reason for this. The first movie was an instant classic with a series-ready monster and a creative storyline. Dream Warriors plays off the original beautifully with a welcome return of a familiar character, imaginative dream sequences, a return of the iconic theme music, and most of all, a wonderful cast featuring likable (and relatable) kids.

The movie begins by wisely disregarding Part II as we are quickly introduced to Kristin (a haunted Patricia Arquette) who is having simply awful dreams. Her 'rich bitch' Mother doesn't understand and refuses to take her seriously until a failed suicide attempt (actually a Freddy attack) which winds Kristin up in a mental ward with other kids who are mysteriously having nightmares as well. Turns out, they're the last of the Elm Street children and Freddy wants to finish what he started. With the assistance of a helpful doctor and a new wunderkind grad student, the kids must use their dream powers to stop Freddy once and for all while wrestling with their own personal demons. Not an easy feat.

Oh and the grad student is Nancy! Nancy's back! Yeah!

Okay, let's start with the cast. So, generally in my horror reviews, I'm focusing on the monsters, rather than their victims. In fact when doing my F13 Marathon Review, I pretty much glossed over the characters. But this ain't no Friday movie. Dream Warriors follows the formula of the first one, with literally no weak kids in the cast. Aside from good girl Kristin, we have tough guy Kincaid, mute Joey, sleep-walker Phillip, ex-druggie Tarin, wheelchair bound Wil, and Jennifer, an actress wannabe whose looking for her big break on TV. And boy does she get it. And of course, there's Nancy, who has seen this all before and knows what the kids are going through. She has matured a bit during her time away, and has an almost motherly influence on the teens who don't really know what they're up against. All of these characters are smart and well-acted with individual characteristics and all have a touchingly human side usually lacking in horror movies.

Also like the first movie, NOES 3 uses the kids to make Freddy even more horrifying as he preys upon their fears and weaknesses in malicious, sadistic and frankly twisted ways. Case in point, I DARE you not to wince during the vein puppet scene. It can't be done. I tried. But seriously, because the audience empathizes with the characters so damn much, every single death scene packs a powerful punch. This is what some of the other Nightmares forget, you shouldn't want the kids to die. In fact, the movie also plays cleverly with the audience's emotions by killing off some characters you don't expect to die, and saving others you did. The fact that the "horror movie rules" are thrown to the wind adds some tension to the whole proceedings and makes Freddy more frightening and even more unpredictable.

So yeah, yeah the kids. Nancy. We get it. What about Freddy?

Well Freddy is back with a vengeance in this one - although he definitely has a stronger sense of humor now, with clever quips and the warped sense of humor that the character has become known for. But unlike some of the following sequels, it's done with just the right amount of balance between comedy and horror. As for Robert, well, Robert is awesome as usual and while he may not look as scary as he did in the first or second one, the character is still just as frightening. The way Freddy has learned to toy with his victims is the stuff nightmares are made of. He must have been taking courses during his downtime.

So yes, this is why many people say "the first and the third" and as a "first and third" girl myself, I totally understand. It ain't perfect and the movie loses a tiny bit of steam at the end, especially when it focuses on Dr. Gordon, who is one of the weaker characters in the cast. Also I could have done without Freddy's skeleton prancing around. But I guess the writers had to come up with an ending somehow, and it doesn't really distract from what is overall, a pretty solid film. So I'll let it pass.

Oh and Nancy. Sob, sniff. RIP babe. You did it! You beat Freddy once and for all!  Well....until Part 4....

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Nancy's back!
• Any of the death scenes really but the vein puppet and "Welcome to Prime Time bitch!" ones definitely top the list.
• Group therapy where the kids realize they're in a dream and find their dream powers.
• Gah Kristin! Why don't you listen to your Mother's decapitated head!!!!
• Nancy's Dad's Back!!
• Joey finally finding his "voice."

Fun Facts Kids!

• Patricia Arquette's first film.
• The "Freddy snake" was originally pink but the color made it look too "phallic" so he was painted a darker color.
• Dick Cavett requested to interview Zsa Zsa Gabor in the TV dream sequence because he told the director she was one of the stupidest people he'd ever known and wanted her to be killed.
• The sexy nurse who tempts Joey was originally supposed to turn into Freddy Krueger, with her head on the actress's topless body. The effect not only looked incredibly silly but the director realized no one could play Freddy other than Robert and the idea was scrapped.
• The pig on the dinner table who roars at Kristin was an actual pig carcass the special effects guys had bought and let rot to get the proper effect cheaply.
• The car that contains Freddy's bones is supposed to be the same car from the end of the first NOES.
• The movie poster was created before casting was completed, which is why the characters in the poster don't resemble the actors.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

The souls of your friends
You and I will claim
You've got the body
And I've got the brains
- DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

Sometimes a sequel is better than the original - like how the Wrath of Khan beat out the first Star Trek movie by a solid mile. However, this usually isn't the case with horror movies. True, virtually all sequels in all genres are cash grabs. But Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is the ultimate cash grab. No heart, no soul...no brains. And it was in definite need of a Nancy, and perhaps a Wes. I went into this one remembering how much I didn't like it and nothing has changed.

Good looking young kid Jesse moves into the Nightmare house and begins having strange dreams about a killer in a dirty red and green sweater with claws on one hand. Yep, Freddy's back y'all. But Freddy isn't really out to kill Jesse - rather he decides he needs a new body and that Jesse looks good enough to possess. And with that, it's up to Jesse's pretty girlfriend Lisa to save the day - with the power of love.

Let's start with the smartly dressed elephant in the room. This movie....Well....um. It's not that it's openly...(not that there's anything wrong with that...Oh heck y'all are going to make me say it.

It's a gay male's fantasy.

There is a strong gay subtext running through the whole thing. A PE teacher gets his bare bottom smacked. Jesse wrestling with Grady, pulling down his pants in the process. Jesse dancing around his room to a chick song whilst wiggling his bottom. Oh, and also running from his pertty girlfriend to stay the night with his guy friend instead. And those are the more subtle ones. Anyways, the whole thing was covered quite extensively in the great documentary "Never Sleep Again - The Elm Street Legacy" and if you're a fan of the series or even if like only one or two of them, it's a 'must have'. In it,the actors in Part 2 point out the gay subtext quite readily (and hilariously). The director...well...he still doesn't see it. At least that's his story and he's sticking to it. Funny since it's so prevalent.

Now that that's out of the way, (ahem) let's talk about the movie. It's a disappointment.

First of all the good. Freddy. Freddy looks TERRIFIC. The make-up artist followed the form of the first movie, but made Freddy look positively demonic with glowing red eyes and skin that seemed to have been burned by the fiery depths of hell itself. He is wonderful and Robert, ever the professional, is amazing. Freddy hasn't been wimpified since the first one. In fact, in defeat, he's gotten stronger. And he's ever bit as terrifying as the first. He isn't played for laughs just yet and that's a good thing.

Now for the bad. Everything else. There.

Okay, maybe I should elaborate. Jessie is a likable kid, and Mark Patton a capable actor, but he's far too wimpy to fill Nancy's shoes. In fact, his girlfriend has to do all the dirty work while he frets, moans and whimpers. I didn't buy Jesse and Lisa's relationship since they seemed more like a brother and sister than an actual couple. Their friends weren't sympathetic or fun to watch - they were emotionally disconnected from the whole affair and then there are the dreams.

A ton of the action doesn't even take place in dreams. In fact when Freddy crashes the pool party, arguably a fun moment, no one is dreaming. How is he there? Why is there? Did he simply want a hot dog? The kids are very much awake when he comes through so we're not sure how he got into the real world. It's great to see Freddy go hog wild and slash up kids left and right - he's the fat guy at the all-you-can-eat buffet. But since we don't care about nameless kids it's just not scary. The serious lack of dreaming takes out all the surrealness of the original. Like I said, a disappointment.

So yes, this was filmed with the intention of making a few bucks. Admittedly, according to box office numbers it succeeded, but it failed just about everywhere else. The whole thing is silly and unnecessary which is a shame because Robert's Freddy was in his glory here. Sadly, the rest of the movie just couldn't catch up.

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Eek! It's a parakeet!
• Jesse's booty dance which has to be seen to be believed.
• You've the the body - I've got the brains. A wonderfully scary moment in an unscary film.
• The PE teacher's death by...um...balls.
• Run Frankie! Run Annette! It's a pool party massacre!

Fun Facts Kids!

• Robert Englund wanted more money so they replaced him with a stunt man. After starting the shoot with the new actor it became obvious that no one could replace Robert and he was brought back in.
• And yep, that's Robert England sans Freddy make-up driving the bus in the opening sequence.
• Mark Patton is gay but wasn't open at the time this movie was filmed. He soon after left Hollywood due to perceived homophobia.
• Look for New Line honcho Robert Shaye as a bartender in a gay leather bar.

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

One..two, Freddy's coming for you
Three..four, better lock the door
Five..six, grab a crucifix
Seven..eight, better stay up late
Nine..ten, never sleep.....again
- Creepy Little Jump-Roping Girls

My Nightmare Marathon begins with one of the true, great classics.  The original. Accept no subsitutes. ; )   Full Disclaimer: This one of my favorite movies of all time and yes, I may be a little bias. But hell, it's just awesome.

For the two of you who have never seen it, here's a quick recap. Pretty girl-next-door Nancy and her friends Glen, Rod and Tina have all started having the same dream about a killer in a red and green sweater with claws on one hand.  Gore and mayhem ensue.  I don't think I need to recap more than that. It's too well-known.

So there's a lot to cover here but let's start with the characters. This is one of those movies where oddly enough, you root for ALL of the kids - and while that has a lot to do with the writing and directing, the actors do the bulk of the work. Tina could have easily been another bimbo character who gets knocked off in the first part of the film, but instead she's sympathetic as a girl who just hasn't lived that great a childhood due to a trashy upbring. Her boyfriend Rod isn't some jerk meathead, instead, he's a tragic figure who is torn apart by his inability to save Tina. Depp is pretty, no doubt about it, but his character Glen genuinely loves Nancy and shows the absolute confusion a high school boy would once his seemingly normal girlfriend starts going a bit whacko.

And let's talk about Nancy.

Most of you regular readers of my blog know I love to talk about the monster.  But truth be told, this isn't Freddy's film. Nope. This film belongs to Nancy.  But before you start spitting at your computer screen, sending me ugly hate mail or kicking Muffy the cat in frustration - let me explain. Freddy is horrible, yes.  But one of the reasons he's so horrible is because the heroine is so..not.  Nancy is an everyday high school girl next door type, you know, the one who sat next to you in math class.  But she's also a bit more. When problems need to be solved, this girl-next-door will cut a bitch if necessary.  She's into survival.  And let's face it, her parents are pretty much useless, so she's used to fending for herself.  And she's the only one with enough gumption to take on Freddy once his claws come a-tearing.

Now, let's talk Freddy.

Freddy is the scariest monster. Forget all the joke-cracking, cracking-wise Freddies of the later movies. This Freddy doesn't do that. Yes, he likes to toy with his victims a bit, but this Freddy is blue collar all the way. Is he clever? Sure. Does he prey on his victims before dispatching them? Yes. Is he a  lovable nut?  Nope. This guy just wants to kill.  Robert Englund plays the part to such perfection that it's near impossible to imagine another actor playing the part in this movie. He's frightening, his face is burned (and he has arguably the best make-up in this one), his clothes are distinctive, his hat is dirty.  His claws look homemade.  He IS Freddy and this first movie for me is the DEFINITIVE Freddy. He wants to kill you.  And he will.

Finally, let's talk dreams.  Dreams are weird.  They might be as symbolic as a hot dog falling into a donut hole or as odd as a pound of cheddar attacking you, but it's okay because you are wielding the magic dog collar of doom.  Okay, my dreams are weird, but you get the point. This is the only Nightmare I remember in which the nightmares were....well, real nightmares. Inexplicably, a goat crosses the street in front of you, a rose trellis falls on your face and you wake to find it's not there, your legs are stuck and you're unable to move. We've all had strange things that happen to us in dreams like that, and the fact that these dreams are so well-realized shows that Wes Craven and the gang really knew what having a nightmare felt like.

Yes, you can find fault with this movie if you try. Heather's acting is a little wooden from time to time but it doesn't distract from her wonderful character. Ronee Blakely's over-the-top performance may be off-putting to some but it's fun how awesomely quotable she is. And a lot of people have trouble with the ending but I love it. After all, nightmares don't wrap up their storylines in neat packages before you wake. They don't have an ending.

Just from the beginning of my review, you can tell the love I have for the film. I could go on and on about the music, the style, the plot. There are so many iconic moments in this film, it's hard to mention them all: Tina getting slashed in the rotating room, Tina in a body bag, the spray of blood from Johnny Depp's bed, Nancy answering the tongue phone, Freddy's face coming out of the wall. Ask any fan and they'll all have their favorite moments.  The cast is great, the story is imaginative and this has the original Freddy as he was meant to be: down, dirty and killer. All a horror movie fan can ask for.  Until Part II, pleasant dreams....

Favorite Moments (may contain spoilers):

• Tina's first dream which is so much like my own it's scary.  You dream about goats too, right?
• Ceiling death and the body splat!
• Screw your hallpass!
• I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy. 
• Okay, if it made the coroner throw up, you know Depp's death was bad.
• The ending. I know people hate it but I just adore it.  Dreams are weird, mmkay?

Fun Facts Kids!

• Depp was cast at the insistence of Wes Craven's daughter who knew a good thing when she saw it.
• The rotating room used for Tina's death was used later in Glen's death scene. The room turned when it shouldn't have and everybody got drenched in red water. A crew member was even electrocuted (but he was okay).  Oddly enough it worked for the scene and they only did one take.
• Charles Fleischer (Roger Rabbit) has a small part as the doctor in the sleep clinic.
• Heather Langenkamp asked to take the tongue phone home with her - everyone was too polite to ask why.
• Wes Craven wrote the movie after reading a news story about a kid who refused to sleep for days, thinking he would die. When his parents finally made him sleep, he died.  

Agree? Disagree? Or just have a random string of curse words you'd like to share? Comment!

The Nightmare on Elm Street Marathon Review Experiment

Whenever I want you
All I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam,
Dream, dream, dream

- Everly Brothers

My last marathon experiment involved watching and reviewing all the Friday the 13th movies - one right after the other. And yes, it started out with a bang but ended with a whimper as I wearily watched Jason cutting through teens like so much meatloaf. After all, they follow pretty much the same formula.  And the later ones... well let's just say they weren't as good as the first.

So one astute reader threw this out there.  Why not do a Nightmare on Elm Street experiment? Why not tackle everybody's favorite burnt, undead killer dreamboat?
 And I have to admit, it would be a lot more fun. Granted I had already tore a hole in the new one in my Live Blogging of a Crap Horror Film which you can read here but it's been some time since I watched all of the NOES and I certainly never watched them in order.

So, this time around, Werewolves is going to review every Nightmare on Elm Street canon-style, even the silly ones.  And it's all going to start with the best one of em' all:  The Original Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).

Until then, try and stay awake.  And remember...no running in the hallway....